5 Ways To Stop Toxic Relationships In The Family

There are toxic relatives that can do us a lot of harm. Each one, to the best of their ability, can make life very difficult for us with their behaviors and their words in the family nucleus. In fact, family is one of the most common settings in which the drama of toxic relationships unfolds.

In addition, to this is added one more difficulty: we cannot detach ourselves from them forever, especially when we are not yet independent.

The family is imposed on us, we cannot choose it and this requires that, even if we do not like it, we have to adapt to it if we want to remain in the family group. It often happens that we are subjected to certain norms within the family nucleus and that this suffocates us.

This generates that we feel slaves, that we are unhappy and that we feel trapped and with no way out. In addition, it happens that, the more relevant the position or position occupied by toxic family members, the more difficult it is to get out of there or enforce our rights.

It is said that there are two types of families: rigid and flexible. In the former, toxic relationships abound, since their operation is the result of the intense and irrational use of power and control through authority.

The fact that this happens implies great difficulty when it comes to relating, at the same time that it prevents us from freely expressing our feelings and our opinions, talking or showing ourselves as we are.

These relatives are undoubtedly emotional vampires. They are those people who subject us to imposition and perhaps harassment from someone who, in principle, should take care of us more than anyone else in this world.

As we have commented, the most logical and probable thing is that we cannot break that relationship easily, since a family bond does not unravel so lightly. However, there are times when relationships flare up and there is no choice but to flee from the toxic environment.

How can we act in the face of toxic relationships?

According to Laura Rojas Marcos, most conflicts are caused by power struggles, the feeling of rights and the lack of limits.

What are the keys to releasing the burden that a family member assumes to harm us with their words or actions?

1. Putting oneself in the place of the other: empathy

This does not mean that we should submit to the wishes and needs of others, but rather that we have the disposition to understand what happens beyond words and actions.

In other words, “practicing empathy” implies being willing to listen and consider what others have to say to us. This will help us to accept the possibility of not reaching an agreement on what we ask for, since each one has different needs. This is suggested by this study carried out by the National Council for Scientific and Technical Research (Argentina).

In these cases, there must be a pact of respect for the disagreement, something that will facilitate coexistence. This is: you want something that is not compatible with what I want, let’s accept it and continue.

2. Respect the privacy and space of each one

Respecting the other means accepting that “no” is the answer, thus tolerating frustration, even if it seems unfair. We cannot allow ourselves to say that “where there is trust is disgusting” , since meddling gives rise to great family conflicts.

As Rojas Marcos points out:

“ In family relationships, things are taken for granted where there is no agreement. If you enter a child’s home without warning or make a call at the wrong time, you have to be prepared to receive an answer that you may not like and that marks the limits of the relationship.

3. Be respectful and maintain form

It is usual that, in family conversations, the first thing that comes to mind is said. This happens because we do not pass the filter of education and respect for our words and our actions. 

This will generate great conflicts, so it is important that we distance ourselves in situations and calmly set limits, responding that what he says is causing emotional pain.

4. Be assertive and use the magic words

There are toxic family relationships that are based on power games. It is likely that you do not want power, that you only want freedom of action and expression and that there are people who make this transition difficult.

In these situations we must assert ourselves by expressing our “I can not” , “I do not want” or “I do not agree” without fear. It is important to feel confident about yourself, act with determination and make use of your choice.

In addition, even if we are as a family, it is still of great importance to pronounce the words “thank you” and “please” , since with them we express consideration and kindness, showing respect for the time and effort that requests and favors require.

5. Be patient

Being impatient causes us to be impulsive and thoughtless when assessing circumstances and making decisions. For this reason, it is essential to develop our capacity for waiting and reflection before acting.

It may be that we cannot cope with the difficulties that accompany the burnout caused by a toxic family relationship. For this reason, sometimes it is inevitable to make decisions that break with the family nucleus, for example, to get away from these people.

We must not forget that vampires and emotional predators are present in all contexts of our life, which requires that we be skilled in identifying and protecting ourselves from them.

Thus, it is especially important that we learn to control the intensity of emotions such as anger, which can generate dramas of great extension.

We must maintain sanity and value the consequences of our actions, taking into account the emotional and physical limits that we should never exceed.