The Need To Be Approved By Others
Some people waste time struggling to gain the approval of others. This phenomenon occurs, sometimes, without our realizing it, preventing us from advancing in our personal development. This need to be approved by others is a problem when it becomes a need to be able to be comfortable with ourselves.
Value yourself
Many people who have a need for approval otherwise value what they think about her much more than what I think about herself.
The search for external approval is a desire that many times we have. We all like to be complimented, and applauded. We feel good when we get appreciative touches from others.
The need to be approved by others means that we feel happy and joyful when we are supported or accepted by the people around us. But the problem arises when this search for approval becomes a necessity, a continuous search for that appreciation, acceptance or support.
When it becomes a necessity, it is as if we give small pieces of ourselves to the rest of the people that we consider essential to give us support. And when at some point, they despise us or simply disapprove of what we say or do, we fall apart.
This is because we sold our personal worth . We only feel good when they give us some kind of praise, applause or appreciation, otherwise we feel empty, little fulfilled, putting on a mask or bandage, for ourselves, clouding our true worth.
Perhaps it is easier to adopt a behavior in line with others that inspires some approval than one that favors rejection. But if we do, the only thing we provoke is to give more importance to the opinion of others than to our own, giving control of ourselves to others.
Attitudes of people who have a need to be approved by others
People who sacrifice their true selves in the situation described above often have a number of similar personality traits. Therefore, we can say that people present certain prototypical attitudes about the need to be approved by others such as:
- Being overly polite even if they disagree with the opinion of others or the situation.
- Not knowing how to say no to others and as a consequence, do things for them even if we don’t want to.
- Change your point of view in order to like and appear nice to others.
- Feeling depressed, or distressed when they don’t approve or accept what you do.
Get rid of the need for approval
Do you know of someone who has not caused the slightest disapproval? It is unlikely, I encourage you to take a look around you and observe it.
We have to bear in mind that each person is a world, a unique and unrepeatable being and that not everyone can please, it is impossible. We have to accept it, otherwise we would be limiting our personal growth.
Therefore, it is important to detect these behaviors that we may have and get down to work so that the need for approval does not become our enemy. We are as important as the others.
As much as we want to, it is impossible to avoid people’s disapproval . Therefore, it is important to approach criticism or rejection of others in a different way.
Good attitude towards criticism
Faced with criticism, rejection, or disapproval by others, it is advisable to think that, simply, just as we do not like everyone, we do not like everyone. Thus, it is easier to avoid feeling hurt.
Being grateful for what the other tells us can be an appropriate strategy, since it puts an end to the search for approval as a necessity, and allows us to grow and develop.
Finally, remember that it may also be convenient that when we find ourselves in this type of situation, we place the word “you” in front of the offense, criticism or disapproval response of the other, with the intention of distinguishing that the disapproval belongs to the another and not us.
